I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
