oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Actions speak louder than pants.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
