i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
