Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
