Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
