They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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