Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize