you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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