if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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