I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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