So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
