Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
