i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
