He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
