I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
