Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize