My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
