If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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