I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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