well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
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i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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