I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
