but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
