i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
