You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
