Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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