So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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