420 ftw
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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