I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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