She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
