The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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