You smell like stripper and shame
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
