I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
