Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
