my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
