I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
