My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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