oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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