i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
