if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
