you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
