but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is the high leading the old right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
