just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
