I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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