And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
