i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
