Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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When did angry sex become our thing?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize