True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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