Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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