You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
