I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
