I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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