"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
