he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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