nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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