i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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