Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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