Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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