idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
