you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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