I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
