Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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